My Personal Exploration Of The Word Conform

Conform: (of a person) to behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards.

 

Hi there, my name is Debbie, previously known as Countess Conformington of Conformerville.

 

All jokes aside, this word “conform” can hold many connotations depending on how you see that word in relation to where it sits in your life.  For some this word is seen neutrally, for some, this word is seen positively, for me though the word conform held a negative connotation in relation to my life. 

 

I had always felt too afraid to be myself for fear of not conforming to the “mould” of what society expects.  I often felt that if I were to be my truly authentic self, people would not like me.  At the very core of this idea that people would not like me, was something much more significant – I learned that I was so deeply afraid to allow myself to be vulnerable with others and really show up as myself that I would retreat back into myself and mute the very best parts of me, and turn the volume up on the parts of me that weren’t actually me…rather they were what societies ideals expected me to be “look this way, talk like that, behave like this, live here, earn this amount of money, have this type of relationship”…the list goes on.  How many times have you told yourself something like this? I used to tell myself this shit…ALL. THE. TIME.

 

In my experience, it is my belief that it is vitally relevant in the healing process to acknowledge where a repeated pattern of thought has originated.  In history we have been taught the importance of origins, therefore it would be remiss of me to not acknowledge the events in my life that prompted such a negative pattern of living.  What is equally important however, is that I made a conscious decision to seek out clarity of why these events occurred so that I could move forward and not continue to be stuck in the past.  Once that clarity occurred, the fun, beautiful, quirky, happy, goofy, vivacious parts of me that I was once too afraid to show, started unveiling themselves like wildflowers through cracks in hardened concrete, and let me tell you, I’ve never been happier to see such an unorthodox version of myself staring back at me in the mirror every damn morning. 

 

So, to finish up on this personal exploration of the word conform, here’s what I think:

 

I will colour outside of the lines.

I will dance in the rain instead of putting an umbrella up.

I will let my curly hair run wild like my dance moves.

I will question the normal and celebrate the unusual.

I will wear red lips anytime, just because I feel like it.

I will continue to live this one incredible life as I choose too, with an open heart and unwavering adventurous spirit.